Posted by: Greg | November 10, 2009

Does a Zombie S@&T on the sidewalk?

Day 10 of NaNoWriMo is here. I am slightly behind the average numbers of words per day. Now, this is a thrilling moment and a frustrating one. This is a fantastic and thrilling moment because this is the most I have written so quickly and on one story. (I do not have word count ability on my two screenplays!!!) Not only is it the most I have written but so far there is plenty left to write. The outline I created and the brief points I wanted to cover all are included in each chapter. What makes it even more enjoyable is that things happen in the chapter I never expected. Well, I should rephrase that slightly. The beginning and end I have mapped out for each chapter. The main body seems to fill itself out through the characters and their actions. I am okay with this. Some writers might shy away. I still question my sanity when a character does something I never knew they could do. Who knew an angel could sense a soul / presence?

The frustrating part is that I am behind in word count. I am currently behind about 1,000 words. Now I did miss a day and half of writing…so, by those calculations I am ahead. But to keep my ego in check I also remind myself that 50,000 is due by the end of the month, not the day after. So, weekdays are for getting the average of 1,667 and weekends are for shooting past that. I just need to plan ahead a little better knowing that when certain events happen that require me to be there, like my fiancee’s performances!

Yes, all of that is really boring and pointless unless you are actually trying to reach the milestone of 50,000.

Back to the title of this post. While outlining and dealing with creatures of the night, zombies and vampires, on a regualr basis now for 10 days I have come across something interesting that never is explained. Vampires never eat food or drink something other than blood. I am alright with this piece of information. My brain does not require a biological explanation.

But zombies eat flesh and ,if they are lucky, also some brains. (I consider brains a delicacy for zombies, not their primary source of food.)Now to anyone that looks at the problem logically, if all a zombie dos is eat human flesh, why aren’t zombies incredibly portly creatures that roll everywhere? Their bodies are dead which means that stomach acid no longer works to break down anything ingested. This also means that all flesh consumed would just sit within the stomach cavity rotting away. So, here’s the quandry: Does a zombie take a shit? If, yes, then I am cool with zombies being known for eating machines. If, no, then here’s the next question. Does a zombie get full?

I think the reason my brain is having trouble with these questions is because no books or movies ever cover zombies shitting, getting full, or eating other zombies. We, as the audience, only know them as human eaters. They are the Terminator of the gluttony family. They never sleep and they will never stop eating until the last human is dead.

I think to put my mind at ease as I write about the zombie apocalypse and vampires protecting humans for food, zombies do shit. They do it in their panties, boxers, briefs, swim trunks, jeans, khakis, and panty hose. (I exclude thongs because it would just go past them.) They do it while they are eating and walking. And as I write this it dawns on me what a great way to track and kill zombies…follow their trails of shit. Maybe I should ask Bear Grylls to do a nice Halloween episode next year and have Max Brooks tag along.

Alright, off to my NaNoWriMo 50,000 milestone. And Happy Shitting!!!


Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s


%d bloggers like this: